People often say it's what's on the inside that counts. This is usually used by ugly people to say that physical beauty doesn't matter. Well, physical attractiveness is hugely important biologically and evolutionarily, but I'm getting way off course here, that's all for another post. When I say it's what's on the outside that counts, in this case, I'm talking about how we present ourselves to others. Let me demonstrate what I mean with a couple of examples.
Let's pretend there is a nice guy, let's call him Nick. Nick the Nice Guy. Nick KNOWS inside that he is a lovely guy and would be great for any lady. He is caring and thoughtful and generous, inside. Nick is sure of this, he's always known he is a Nice Guy.
Now, Nick is shy. Nick rarely speaks to people, and certainly never to new people. Nice Guy Nick has SRS (Social Retard Syndrome), an unfortunate condition which afflicts many people of all ages, genders and nationalities.
So how do WE know Nick is a nice guy? Simple; we don't. Nick never speaks to us. Nick to us is Nick the Shy Guy. As much as Nick is sure he is a Nice Guy, the fact is that he isn't.
Then there's Mike. Mike is a ladies man. He's played through in his mind a thousand times the moment where he spies a lady at a bar, walks over and effortlessly delivers that smooth opening which gets him talking to her all night, until they're dancing together, and soon they're kissing and he's leading her to bed. He is a Smooth Operator and he knows it, on the inside.
But then Mike heads to the bar with some friends. He sees a lady he likes the look of. His friends have heard how he is such a ladies man and one of them pipes up "what about her Mike?". Mike takes a casual look and goes "Nah not her, I can do better, I mean I can see why you would like her, she's okay, but I'll wait till something better." Then he sees a girl who is undeniably good looking and he wants to go say hi, but he notices she's with her friends and decides he doesn't want to bother her and distract her from her friends.
When it comes to turning thought into action, he chickens out and gives himself plausible excuses. In his mind he's still a Smooth Operator because he didn't get turned down did he? He could have had any of those girls, he just chose not to for various reasons. But to the real world, he's just some guy who stood at the bar all night. In reality, in EVERY WAY that matters outside his own head, he is NOT a confident person. The simple truth of the matter is that we are judged on how others see us.
I'm sure you think this is terribly unfair but answer me this; how else are we to be judged? Others cannot see inside our minds. To the outside, observable world, we are that which others see us as. And it is in this outside, observable world, in which events happen and things are actionable, that how we are perceived matters. You can know for sure that inside you're nice, or confident, or romantic, or successful, or whatever the hell you like, which is all well and good if all you wish to do is sit around alone congratulating yourself on what a good well rounded person you are.
But if you truly want people to see you as the person you believe yourself to be, you have to show them that person.
It's what's on the outside that counts.
NOTE - for those who do not get what I tentatively call my sense of
humour, I don't honestly believe that only ugly people say "it's what's on the outside that counts". This should
not have to be said and will not be repeated in future - YOU HAVE BEEN
WARNED!
